It made me think how deeply grateful I am for genetics, life experience, nature, nurture, learned behaviours, innate sensibility, whatever it is that makes each of us unique and makes our noggins work the way they do.
I have never once thought "why me?" or "why us?" because it would insinuate that this whole experience and Idrees' existence was something to regret; something bad.
I can't imagine considering Idrees' birth and death as a 'bad thing'.
We have been incredibly blessed.
We didn't for a second think "why us" when he curled his little hand around our fingers or when we got to cuddle him and he fell asleep happy as can be.
We didn't think "why us" when he was born safely and let out the most almightily loud cry and scored 9 on his Apgar score.
So if we're willing to take all the good, we can't exactly then turn around and say "why us" when things go down.
A part of me feels odd when people say "I am sorry for your loss". It is hard to articulate how little of a loss this is and how much of a gain the whole experience has been.
All we wanted was a little win- I wanted to feel a baby kick, to see a baby wriggle around in a scan, to be able to give birth, to call another soul my own and know that I housed him for 9 odd months, to know that I was a mother.
We got every win. He was not a loss, he was a huge , huge win.
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