When you have a pretty serious diagnosis for baby's health hanging over your head it's hard to throw caution to the wind and allow yourself to work on best possible scenario mode.
But last week I allowed myself to buy a few things, namely:
- two receiving blankets
- three large muslins
- a hooded towel
- five baby hats
- eight pairs of socks
- four pairs of scratch mitts
- two front-opening babygros
- four front open short sleeve vests
This is what my baby has that can be claimed to be his, in this world for the near future. We have respectfully asked close family and friends to give us nothing but prayers and if able a donation to the British Heart Foundation (A is running the London marathon for our baby boy next year...more on this later!)
It hardly made up a tiny half load but I carefully added it to the washing machine with non-bio detergent and mild baby-friendly fabric conditioner and let it have a good wash before hanging it all up to dry and then folding it all up carefully.
In the grand scheme of things it is the tiniest amount of stuff and the whole process took me about three days and made up the smallest little baby bag but it has all filled me with a kind of joy I can't quite express.
I never thought I could ever be this lucky and blessed. I may only have this little bean for a few more weeks or days or months (who knows really?) but already he brings me the most indescribably full amounts of happiness.
It's just a (very limited) bit of itty bitty laundry that I (somewhat unnecessarily) washed, dried and packed but I will never, ever forget how it all made me feel.
Beyond happy, almost into a realm of enchantment.
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